Tuesday, November 12, 2013


It is a big house. I feel undeserving. I feel embarrassed to ask for so much when we already have so much. But it's the desires of my heart. To have a place to call home for me , for Paul, for "us" and especially for our children. It's a steal. We can afford it. It's a lot if work. A lot of time and money. It's the desires if my heart. I have feelings of fear and insecurity; it's just not going to work out. I've already begun a conversation in my head telling God it's ok it didn't work because He has other plans for us. Those fears and insecurities need to be overcome by the hopefulness I have. The rejoicing I already feel that this is our house. Ours. Our home for our children. A place they can grow up. Make memories. Have security. Feel settled; safe. These children are Gods children. His gifts. His gifts to us.  God wants a home for them. He wants to provide. Abundantly. For them...and for me. I want to accept it. His gifts. And then I want to give it all back. I want to serve. I want a home to serve in. What's been given to me is mine to give back. Am I giving back what I've already been given? Am I a good servant of serving already? It's the desires of my heart. But I'm afraid I've failed. GRACE. God's grace. God please grant me, grant us, the desires of our hearts. You are a perfect God. You are unchanging. You are a sovereign God. You are amazing; full of grace, all powerful, beautiful and you are The Almighty. God hear my prayer. Hear. My. Prayer. I know you love me. I know you care for me. And yet...It is hard to believe you want to bless me abundantly. Us abundantly. The blessings come each morning and I know without a doubt they are from you. But abundantly? God bless us abundantly. And teach me how to give back abundantly.